Here's a fun fact about me...I despise small talk. I know that seems to go against my personality a bit, but I HATE IT. I would rather be attacked by a pack of wild dogs than make bullshit chit-chat with a near stranger.
In the morning, I have a very long walk/shuttle ride (depending on my level of lazy that particular morning) from the garage to my office, and endless opportunities to have to make pleasantries with people I don't know, barely know, wish I didn't know, or even know very well. To me, the walk from the garage to my office (and from my office to the garage in the afternoon) is my time to 1) in the morning, wake up and steel myself against what I've got on my list for the day and 2) in the afternoon, decompress from said list and chill out before getting into traffic. It never fails that I run into someone I know. I can't go ANYWHERE without seeing someone I know. I'm always having to say hello, ask how they're doing (even though I don't care), whatever. I hate that. I know they hate it and don't really care how I am, either, but social norms mandate the bullshit small talk.
Anyway...my point. When I'm wearing earbuds, it's easy to ignore them, pretending I'm listening to whatever at an ear-splitting volume. Also, most people will see them and get the idea that I don't want to be bothered. This morning, though, I was forced to sit next to someone on the shuttle. (Another pet peeve of mine, for no good reason.) I had coffee with me and was listening to the Free Beer and Hot Wings podcast from yesterday. I hear some jabbering to my right. I look over and she's smiling some shit-eating grin. I had to squash the immediate impulse to roll my eyes as I removed the thing from my ear. She laughs, *donkey laugh* "Imma trah not to steal yore cawfee! It smayulls so goouhd!!!" *more donkey laughter* Lady, kindly go fuck yourself. It's 7:15am. I don't have the foggiest clue who you are. Oh, and touch my coffee and I will murder you in cold blood.
She goes on to read my name badge and inquire all about my job. I'm about 15 seconds away from asking her if she's ever been waterboarded with hot coffee. But I smile politely and answer with short, curt responses. Thankfully, as we exited the shuttle, we went in different directions. She has no idea how close she came to torture and death.
18 years ago
